Sunday, February 29, 2004
The likely lord of the Oscars. Am I going to watch the 76th Annual Academy Awards tonight? Maybe. Do I know who's going to win? Of course. The only question is whether Smeagol or Gollum will accept the statuettes, and what writer Bruce Vilanche will have host Billy Crystal say after The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King wins its nth award. Despite the odds against it, I'm still pulling for inexpensive underdog Lost in Translation; it is, after all, one of the few nominated movies I've seen -- Golden Globes déjà vu -- and one of the few I saw all year that I enjoyed enough to not only write about, but recommend. Given tonight's five-second delay, we won't have the pleasure of seeing any voluptuous actresses falling out of their dresses; worse, cleavage and nipples might be -- gasp! -- censored this year. (Thank you, Janet Jackson.) Five seconds won't be enough for Michael Moore, though; the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will have to supply duct tape if he shows up. (Don't worry, he'll be able to breathe through his nose.)
Follow-up: The Oscars shall henceforth be known as the Orcs. Yes, I watched the show -- all three and a half hours of the Academy's LotR sycophancy. (Oh, sorry, you fans prefer the term "clean sweep," don't you?) It didn't take long to confirm the evening's preordainment, and the pointlessness of reading the names of the other nominees. "What category is this? Who's nominated? Never mind, just give it to the damn hobbits and move on." At least the winners list had enough room for the unusually laconic Denys Arcand and Les Invasions barbares, which took home the Oscar for foreign-language film -- a first for Canada.
Follow-up: Unfortunately, I missed what could have been the one redeeming feature of an otherwise dull and predictable evening at the Oscars: the NDP's Jack Layton-aggrandizing ad. And to think, I was looking forward to seeing the 30-second spot. The party's Web page -- "Layton" is available for download -- just doesn't have the same zing as expensive ad time during CTV's Academy Awards broadcast.
posted by media_dystopia @ 08:27 [ link | top | home ]
Doesn't this seem obvious to anyone else? Now and again, the "how to save CBC Television/Canadian television/Canadian content" debate flares up. To me, it's all so asinine given where the majority of the hundreds of television grads pumped out by universities, colleges, and technical institutes every year in this country end up: anywhere but television.
Many of these young people are extremely talented and filled to the brim with wonderful ideas, and yet, they -- along with their journalism and radio brethren -- are not given a chance. They have no choice but to work in other fields -- "Would you like fries with that?" -- because the jobs in Canadian television just aren't there for them. And even those who are lucky enough to be working in this most competitive of industries have hurdle after hurdle placed in front of them when they try to create new and innovative Canadian programming, whether for the major networks or cable-only specialty channels. It seems to me that if you're going to ask how to save or improve Canadian television, you should start by giving these budding visionaries and their ideas a shot.
Duh.
posted by media_dystopia @ 05:13 [ link | top | home ]
The MMORPG blues. It's been about two and a half weeks since my return to EverQuest, and although I enjoy playing the game and hanging out with friends, I'm reminded of some of the reasons why I left twice before. It's a given, at least to me, that EQ is a metaphor for life; unfortunately, that perception is all the more reinforced by the great divide (no pun intended) between the haves and the have-nots on older servers like mine. In fact, since its launch in 1999, the game's playing field has become uneven at an exponential rate.
In-game, there are those who buy and sell equipment for the most obscene prices -- sums that my characters, collectively, have never seen before and probably never will. Those with said equipment, or levels, or skills, or anything else that gives them status -- due, in part, to the amount of time they devote to the game -- are not afraid to show off or brag. (The EQ meritocracy is, after all, devoted to those who spend considerable time participating in rigidly organized raids.) Nor do these uber players have any compunction about patronizing you, the underling, when imparting their considerable wisdom, whether it's asked for or not. One would think that having created my characters three or more years ago, and getting two above level 50 (with another on the way), would entitle me to some respect.
In real life, it's not uncommon for people to purchase a second account to use two characters at once; very useful if you want to resurrect or powerlevel yourself, among other things. It gets a little extreme, though, when you have three or more accounts running simultaneously on as many computers. There are also Web sites devoted to auctioning virtual equipment and cash -- or entire accounts with wealthy, fully equipped, high-level characters -- for real money, as well as guides for sale on how to make money in the game. (Sound familiar?) Point being, those who are well-to-do in real life can be well-to-do in the game if they so chose -- and many do. Why work your way to the top when you can buy your way there?
None of this is new, of course; it just adds to the divide and takes away from the fun of the game, tainting it for those of us who are casual players and/or purists. And yet, I continue to play. Go figure.
Follow-up: In case I wasn't clear enough, bidding on virtual items and money is an affront to me; in fact, I find it disgusting. That sort of real-world encroachment by the idle rich on what was once an escape from reality leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:28 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Well, well, well... HBO has become the network that cried Sopranos. Or, in lieu of in Canada, The Movie Network, a channel requiring (at least in Eastern Ontario) digital cable and a subscription. TMN has been dangling the March 7 premiere of Season 5 of the mob drama in front of us like a digital-cable carrot, expecting us to bite -- again. Frankly, I'm not so sure about doing that this time around. There's only so long a series can make me wait between seasons -- over a year, I believe (it's been so long I can't even remember how long it's been) -- before I get pissed off and stop caring about it. I can't even remember what happened last season, or even whether there was a cliff-hanger, which makes me even less interested in the goings-on of the new season.
Besides, The Sopranos has gotten so...blah.
posted by media_dystopia @ 19:31 [ link | top | home ]
Some eggs I'd like to crack. That precocious, accented kid -- the wannabe Jamie Oliver -- pushing his recipes on behalf of eggs.ca (aka the Canadian Egg Marketing Agency) is utterly fascinating. Therefore, he deserves to be throttled. Kids in commercials are not supposed to be fascinating -- they're supposed to be annoying. Like, say, those three quick-change artists in the back seat of the Hyundai Elantra hamming it up for the camera to the tune of "There Ain't No Flies on Us." Very annoying, indeed.
Speaking of that commercial, I want to thank Hyundai for its self-evident wisdom: "When you get everything you want in a sedan, and in life, you win." Hell, if I could afford that tuition trifecta -- three kids in private school -- I'd get everything I wanted in a sedan, too. And to say that getting everything you want in life means winning...well, that's a truism, now, isn't it?
Speaking of Hyundai ads, how's about the one where the couple extols the virtues of their Santa Fe by saying it's "rugged-looking." Huh? How is that a selling point? Is looking rugged going to help you in a situation that requires being rugged? Silly marketing people.
posted by media_dystopia @ 07:01 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, February 27, 2004
No shit, Sherlock. UN member states spy on the secretary general and other high-ranking officials? Gee, let me file that one under "blinding glimpse of the obvious."
posted by media_dystopia @ 14:49 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, February 26, 2004
All's fair in hypocrisy and war. If Clear Channel is going to take Howard Stern off the air, then shouldn't Pat "Soviet Canuckistan" Buchanan and his ilk also be yanked from the airwaves? We are talking about decency, aren't we?
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:25 [ link | top | home ]
Heather Smith-Dacey of Team Nova Scotia is a hottie. Curling is my favorite spectator sport -- television, that is -- and watching TSN's coverage of The Scott Tournament of Hearts from Red Deer, Alberta, reminds me why: the coziness of the arena; the soothing, winter-evoking appearance of the ice; the riveting, heart-stopping cries of "Hurry! Hard!"; the cross-Canada, all-walks-of-professional-life makeup of the teams; the courteous feel of the game -- the Scott is figuratively and literally low on testosterone -- the awe-inspiring skills of the curlers (you try shooting a rock down a sheet of ice and putting it right on target); the strategy-laden banter of the miked players; and, of course, the attractive women (sorry, Nokia Brier). Irrespective of the game's origin, a curling tournament like this feels so...Canadian. (Hell, I grew up hearing the word "bonspiel" more than the average hockey term.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 00:33 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Red and white logo, or subliminal message? In November, 2001, Canada's Future Shop was purchased by U.S. consumer-electronics juggernaut Best Buy. This doesn't bother me -- I'm enough of a pragmatic shopper to recognize that he who has the best price and service, irrespective of nationality, wins. (Why do you think Amazon.com gets so much of my business?) What does bother me is that last year Best Buy opened its first Ottawa location on Merivale Road...diagonally across the street from Future Shop.
Maintaining both stores -- two different brands -- in such close proximity is tantamount to playing the Canadian patriotism card. How many people know that it's one big happy company, much less an American one? How many times in the past have we seen the words "proudly Canadian" at Future Shop? (I hope, for Best Buy's sake, that they're no longer displayed.) How many people have justified paying a few extra dollars by saying, "at least it's a Canadian store"? It's like keeping the dead candidate on the ballot: people who don't know any better are going elect the stiff out of loyalty or habit.
Point being, given the appearance of competition -- cross-border, no less -- Best Buy should be up front about Future Shop being one of its wholly owned subsidiaries. In fact, I think I'll mention this sin of omission next time I visit either store on Merivale. (I doubt the poor, unsuspecting cashier will appreciate it, though.)
Follow-up: Is it Best Buy's policy to dupe the Canadian buying public? Why else is the "proudly Canadian" sign still displayed at Future Shop locations two and a half years after the American company purchased the Canadian chain? I had assumed -- wrongly, it turns out (as I found out at a Toronto-area Future Shop store today) -- that the parent company had quietly removed these erroneous signs from its wholly-owned subsidiary's premises. I think maybe Best Buy's definition of the phrase "proudly Canadian" is different from mine; as someone who actually is proudly Canadian, I think it applies to not only pride of origin, but pride of ownership -- and the word "Canadian" cannot possibly be applied to the latter in this case.
Follow-up: Get this: they're building a new, larger Future Shop on Merivale Road, across a small street from Best Buy. (By "street," I mean a purpose-built laneway; it doesn't actually merit street status.) Short of being attached, the two stores could not possibly be any closer to one another, as if to say, "Look at us, we're 'competing' side by side!" And the corporate shenanigans don't end there: the new store -- which, by mid-June, had unfurled the "opening soon" banner -- is fronted by a large, stanchion-mounted Maple Leaf. Gee, and I thought the "proudly Canadian" signs were bad. Speaking of which, the soon-to-be-superseded Future Shop across the road has the offensive sign prominently displayed just inside the entrance (same as other locations). I'm not impressed.
Follow-up: "Future Shop stores are a division of Burnaby-based Best Buy Canada Ltd., a wholly-owned subsidiary of Best Buy Co., Inc." I'm not sure when that bit of corporate semantics was added to Future Shop's online company information -- it could have been there all along, for all I know -- but it doesn't change anything in my mind. I hope you don't consider that coming clean, folks.
posted by media_dystopia @ 21:21 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
If it's any consolation, I feel shamefully negligent. Here I am talking about Canadian content and I've overlooked a prime example for over a decade: François Girard's Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould. The docu-biopic about the eccentric and reclusive Canadian pianist is truly a visual and aural treat, thanks to Colm Feore's tour-de-force performance in the title role -- his legato voice is as alluring as Gould's virtuoso playing -- and Don McKellar's imaginative writing in partnership with the director. The greatest compliment I can pay it, though, is saying that I regret not seeing it until today.
posted by media_dystopia @ 15:47 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, February 23, 2004
Two blogs less a by-election. Both Ed Broadbent and Richard Mahoney have blogs for their Ottawa Centre campaigns. No word on whether the Conservative Party candidate -- once chosen -- will have one. No word on when the vote will be, for that matter.
Follow-up: Circle November 29 on your calendar. (Well, assuming you care about this.)
Follow-up: Never mind, the federal election was called for June 28.
Follow-up: Ed Broadbent won the seat, by the way.
posted by media_dystopia @ 13:35 [ link | top | home ]
The first salvo in the War of 1812 for Ottawa's listenership. At the very least, a shot across our radio bow.
Bravado-filled 101.5 The Fox, "Ottawa and the Seaway Valley's Classic Hits Station" -- deceivingly mottoed given its home in Upstate New York, close to Cornwall (which explains why my car radio can't automatically seek the frequency) -- is launching an eight-week media blitz here to challenge CHEZ 106. Emphasizing classic hits -- "The friendly and fun version of Classic Rock. Classic Rock Without the Hard Edgy Feel." -- and carrying a nationally (U.S.) syndicated morning show, the American usurper hopes to dethrone "Ottawa's Classic Rock Authority," something it isn't coy about it on the air ("CHEZ has rocked Ottawa for 25 years -- isn't that long enough?") and on its Web page ("CHEZ's been rocking Ottawa for 25 years...that's a long time to suck!").
Apparently, when we lost our alt/new-rock station last month, it was not only our way of saying we needed more classic rock, but also a cry for American help. Pardon my self-righteousness, but as a disenfranchised XFM listener, Canadian citizen, and resident of the nation's capital -- Canada's fourth largest metropolitan area, I might add -- I'm offended; moreover, although Canada's Standard Radio owns a quarter of The Fox's American parent company, I'm ashamed of it and fellow station owners CHUM Limited and Rogers for abandoning the city's English-radio flank, leaving it exposed to attack from the non-CBSC/MAPL-coded south.
However interesting this cross-border radio dustup may be, the fact is, CHEZ 106's commercially rude adversary neither provides nor respects my interests format-, standards-, and content-wise. (Even at their most obstinate or asinine -- when applied to Bryan Adams, for instance -- Cancon rules still have our best interests at heart. Given that The Fox is exempt, can it say the same?)
Follow-up: Three weeks later, I replaced the CBC Radio One preset on the car radio with The Fox -- on a trial basis, of course. (With seek unable to lock onto it, it was safer to assign a button.) Like CHEZ's, its classic-rock playlist is nothing exceptional -- just another station to cycle through in hopes of finding something decent to listen to. The bastardized U.S.-Canada news, hybrid Fahrenheit-Celsius weather, and cross-border ads make for an interesting, if not schizophrenic, listen. The Bob & Tom Show in the morning is mostly funny; irrespective of the questionable humor, though, it's nice to hear a syndicated Howard Stern Show-style radio program again. As for the local media campaign, there's been no sign of it, at least to my eyes.
Follow-up: I spoke too soon: the aerial advertising campaign was already underway by the time I wrote the first follow-up. I didn't see it for myself because of this annoying habit I have of keeping my eyes on the road and other cars while driving. (Silly me.) By the way, what is a Cessna towing banners with misleading, rabble-rousing slogans like "GO LEAFS GO -- CHEZ 106" while distracting rush-hour commuters on the Queensway in aid of, exactly? Just wondering.
Follow-up: Is constantly saying that CHEZ sucks -- slinging mud at a true Ottawa station from across the border -- supposed to convince me to keep listening? Again, just wondering.
Follow-up: For an "Ottawa" radio station, it sure doesn't talk about the Sens very much. The "battle of Ontario" is underway, and The Fox is busy telling me about lunch specials at restaurants close to the studio in Massena. Sheesh. (I don't care how good the food is, I'm not crossing the border for a meal.)
Follow-up: The incessant dissing of CHEZ is really wearing thin, especially since The Fox's playlist is no better, no worse. (And yes, the lack of Canadian content is noticeable.) I'm really hoping that May will show a let up in the puerile -- and one-sided -- gibing. Besides, the American mudslinger should be more concerned about 106.9 The BEAR and 93.9 BOB FM, two stations in post-XFM Ottawa that frequently play better music.
Follow-up: It's almost June; should I chalk the seemingly interminable maligning of CHEZ up to typical American arrogance?
Follow-up: The Fox's schedule in a nutshell: a syndicated American morning show that doesn't know its ass from its elbow when it comes to Canada, followed by classic rock interspersed with skewed newscasts -- Canadian news from a U.S. perspective -- and plain old CHEZ-bashing.
Despite its Ottawa-station facade, The Fox spends a lot of time and effort demeaning a competitor who is located in Ottawa and who actually broadcasts in Canada. What's more, it's the only English station on the Ottawa dial to bad-mouth others by name -- a tactic that's sufficiently childish, lame, and just plain rude to be a real turnoff. No wonder it does so from across the border: if it were a Canadian broadcaster, there would be government regulation in the form of the CRTC and Competition Bureau, and self-regulation in the form of the CAB Code of Ethics and CBSC complaints process. As an American broadcaster -- irrespective of the degree of Canadian ownership -- The Fox is free to be un-Canadian and pull the sort of insulting shit it has been, unfettered by our pesky licensing rules and prudent standards of conduct.
I mean, really, what does it say about a station when it resorts to negative advertising, however tongue in cheek, instead of letting things like its playlist, on-air personalities, and programming speak for themselves? Is it suggesting that we're not able to figure it out for ourselves? If The Fox is as good as it says it is, then it doesn't need those absurd attack ads, now, does it? I'm sorry, but I just don't see the humor in what it's doing; in fact, I find it downright disrespectful, both to CHEZ and to Ottawa listeners. As one of the latter, I can safely say that five months of disrespect is five months too much. Enough already!
posted by media_dystopia @ 04:46 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, February 21, 2004
Some mysteries have to be shared. Yesterday, I walked into the bathroom and noticed a small, flat screw sitting at the bottom of the toilet bowl. (I happened to be looking that direction, okay?) Only three plausible explanations came to mind: it fell off one of the mechanical gizmos in the tank; it dropped off something I was using in the vicinity of the bowl; or -- gulp -- I was the source. There's a chance, albeit a remote one, that the centimeter-long screw made its way into a bag of frozen peas, a can of soup, or one of any number of products I consume regularly -- without close inspection -- and that my high-fiber diet allowed me to, shall we say, "dispose" of it forthwith and unawares.
Unfortunately, whatever the truth, I'm already experiencing some mild hypochondria as a result, in that I'm wondering how many objects have gone this route in the past -- causing damage along the way -- and, worse, how many are still trapped inside me. (It's been a while since I've had an X-ray.) In addition, what were previously normal aches and pains are now being interpreted as a screw or some other object's reenactment of Fantastic Voyage in my digestive tract. It's thoughts like these that make me want to hug my boxes of colon-blow-inducing cereal.
(With apologies for the visuals.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 09:05 [ link | top | home ]
Well, duh. Life Network's commercial for the new season of English Teachers features one of the so-called "teachers" saying, "What a strange place to be teaching English." Hearing him say that makes me want to grab the television and yell, "Yeah, somewhere they don't speak English!" (What would make it strange is if the people there already spoke the language.) Based on his comment, and the fact that he and his cohorts spend the rest of the ad freaking out about not being able to understand those around them and vice versa -- just the kind of mettle a Canadian standing in front of a foreign class needs -- I'd say that these people were a tad unprepared for their experiences abroad. Next you'll be telling me that they have little or no teaching experience. What do you mean, they don't?
posted by media_dystopia @ 08:40 [ link | top | home ]
Who the hell paid for this noise and why haven't they been fired? I don't usually notice background or incidental music unless it sounds so completely incongruous or inappropriate that it becomes irksome and detracts from the movie or television show; however, it's rare enough that I can't think of any examples offhand. Even rarer are the times when I notice exceptional music, which is why I have to single out Discovery Channel's American Chopper and its bluesy/hard-rock soundtrack -- father-son cacophony permitting, of course -- for praise. Kudos to whomever is responsible for it.
Follow-up: The show may be produced by Discovery Channel in the U.S., but I watch it on Discovery Channel Canada. I just thought I'd clarify that.
posted by media_dystopia @ 08:25 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, February 19, 2004
No offense to retarded chimps. My apologies for the lack of posts this week. I've been working on a new template, one that relies more on CSS and less on nested tables. That is to say, I was working on a new template until I could no longer escape the fact that I have the design skills of a retarded chimp. The results of my efforts have thus been confined to design limbo pending further review.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:25 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, February 16, 2004
Those damn pinkos to the north! According to Nations Hospitable to Organized Crime and Terrorism (1.15 MB PDF), an October, 2003, report prepared by The Library of Congress' Federal Research Division in association with the Director of Central Intelligence Crime and Narcotics Center, Canada is a "favored destination for terrorists and international criminals."
This is due, in no small part, to our being a "modern liberal democracy" with "a well-deserved reputation as a protector of human rights", "prevailing concern for or priority placed upon civil liberties" -- also described as our "sensitivity to civil liberties" -- and a constitution which "guarantees rights such as the right to life, liberty, freedom of movement, freedom of speech, protection against unreasonable search and seizure, and protection against arbitrary detention or imprisonment"; in short, our "liberal democratic identity."
The U.S. just doesn't get it, does it? When you curtail civil liberties, the terrorists win; in fact, they get to sit back and gloat about having eroded the fundamental freedoms at the heart of their enemies' -- our -- democracies. The worst thing that people from places with little or no human rights can do is make us sink to their level. I pray that if and when Canada is attacked, we stand our liberal ground in the face of our own 9-11 so as to not give those murderous pricks the satisfaction. When our security is taken by force, we should be fearful; when our rights are taken because of our acquiescence, we should be ashamed. If America, the so-called "land of the free," thinks we're foolish for it, then let us be fools -- liberal fools.
As for the crime aspects, if the U.S. can write a report about Canada's liberal culture -- as if we're supposed to be apologetic for something so laudable -- and how it allows criminals to flourish here, can we write a report about the American gun culture and how it's arming said criminals? Gee, there's an amendment that's remained alive and well post-9-11. "Got to have me an Uzi in case that fucker bin Laden shows up." (Said with a Southern drawl for effect -- and to remind the U.S. that poking us in the eye means getting it right back, stereotypes and all.)
Follow-up: Not so liberal as to let an American with a poor sense of a direction drive through the border with a grenade in her glove compartment. (If this was a test, I'd say we passed.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:13 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Don't panic! I experienced a brief anxiety attack when it seemed that BBC Kids had replaced Doctor Who with The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; however, I calmed down when I realized that the latter was a miniseries -- obviously, one I hadn't seen before -- and that its presentation was merely a blip on the network's weekend schedule. Despite my Whovian disappointment, I had a good time watching it; it's been over a decade since I've read the hilarious Douglas Adams (R.I.P.) sci-fi series, and seeing it on the small screen brought back a lot of memories. Not that people in Ottawa need a reminder, mind you -- one of our more popular nightclubs is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Follow-up: By the conclusion of the miniseries the next day, I had fallen in love with its theme music.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:09 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, February 14, 2004
It's Valentine's Day...because they said so. I heard The Police's "Wrapped Around Your Finger" on the radio this morning and thought it was apropos given the hegemony of the flower, chocolate, and greeting card industries on this heart-filled day. One must stand in awe of their ability to guilt-trip those of you who are married or otherwise attached. (By way of compensation for our loneliness, we singles have an innate immunity to their corporate manipulations.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 11:54 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, February 13, 2004
Are you paraskevidekatriaphobic? Then seeing as though it's Friday the 13th, you're probably curled up in the fetal position somewhere, sucking your thumb and praying this ill-omened day ends as soon as possible. (I'm nothing if not compassionate when it comes to other people's morbid, irrational fears.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 07:19 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Like a moth to a flame. I'm not sure whether to be excited or ashamed, but I just reactivated my EverQuest account after over 10 months away from SOE's insidious MMORPG. This is my second reactivation since first setting foot in Norrath in October, 2000 -- back when The Ruins of Kunark was the game's only expansion. All the reasons for me not to be in that virtual world are still there, mind you, making this decision -- made after careful consideration, no less -- all the more perplexing. All I can say is: I felt compelled to be there again, if only for a day. Chances are, though, I'll get pissed off in short order and cancel my account for a third time.
Follow-up: I'm in no way uber or l33t, nor do I belong to a raiding guild, but I do have a 57 mage, 51 rogue, 41 shaman, and a nascent necro who just dinged 7, as well as three other characters under 10 who saw more action as mules than their respective classes. (With apologies to non-gamers for the EQ lingo.)
Follow-up: The MMORPG blues?
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:35 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
The barbarian invasion. Taxpayer concerns notwithstanding, Conan O'Brien begins taping in Toronto today.
Among his guests this week: Jim Carrey. The rubber-faced comedian and wannabe American citizen has always struck me as a fair-weather Canadian, waving the Maple Leaf only when it's propitious or popular -- this week, for instance -- and concealing his expatriation the rest of the time. Over the years, I've also gotten the impression that he's disappointed in Canada -- not as a nationality, per se, but in what the country did or didn't do for him and his family when they faced hard times. It's difficult for me to take pride in his accomplishments when he's busy taking pride in the U.S. -- part of his bid for citizenship -- and his Canadian passport is seemingly collecting dust in the closet.
Follow-up: I actually watched an entire episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Tuesday's show, the first of four in Toronto, was hilarious. To say that the audience was receptive would be a understatement. Of course, baited with a Bush reference in the monologue, there was some booing, for which I apologize to my American friends. (That's something best left to those of you who elected him...or didn't, as the case may be.) Thanks to guests Mike Myers and Ron James, the show was laced with enough Canadianisms to leave even the most knowledgeable and well-traveled Americans scratching their heads. Speaking of hometown hero Myers, he's definitely a patriot; in fact, he provides a welcome contrast to Jim Carrey.
Follow-up: Wednesday's show was entertaining, although it lacked the comedic punch of Tuesday's; still, two nights in a row is a personal Late Night record. It was interesting that the Toronto audience booed tonight's references to hideous songbird Céline Dion and the Seattle Space Needle -- as a supposed rival to the CN Tower -- more than yesterday's mention of President Bush. (Priorities, eh?)
Follow-up: Three nights in a row of Late Night have reminded me that Conan O'Brien is an irritating dweeb whose comedy bits are painfully lame; nevertheless, I watched Thursday's show and plan to watch tomorrow's. Tonight, though, Canada learned that the non-monetary price of positive exposure in the U.S. is, unfortunately, negative exposure in Quebec; in fact, giving the Toronto audience the chance to boo Montreal and La Belle Province and unleashing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in Quebec City -- New France standing in for France -- did more damage to English-French relations in this country than Don Cherry ever could. Didn't anyone here whisper in the writers' and producers' ears and suggest that maybe, just maybe, this obnoxious skit wouldn't be a good idea? (That being said, we staunch federalists can't help but smile, albeit guiltily, when separatists are insulted and booed.)
Follow-up: Conan O'Brien aimed his country's post-Iraq malice at France and the French and hit Quebec and French-Canadians -- an ocean and 400 years away -- instead. Given that politicians are incensed, the Canadian television network is apologizing, the backer is denying a backlash (as if separatists weren't giddy over fuel being added to the fire), and I'm feeling a sense of betrayal, it's any wonder why I watched the fourth and, thankfully, final show tonight (and missed South Park's "Christmas in Canada?" episode to do it). He did address the francophone-bashing during Friday's monologue by introducing himself as "the guy that was hired to make Don Cherry look good" -- not that that makes up for it. Tonight, the focus was brought back to Ontario with Newmarket-born Jim Carrey trying to humorously deflect criticism of his bid for U.S. citizenship, something the audience expectably booed when brought up. The rest of the show...nah, it's not worth mentioning; after an increasingly exasperating week in the spotlight, and given the linguistic repercussions, I'm just glad it's over.
Follow-up: No, it's not over: the U.S. media waited the better part of a week to clue in to the fact that one of their own decided to play the not-so-funny role of world's most disrespectful interloper -- an anti-mediator, if you will -- in the most divisive issue in Canadian history. And as if being Johnny-come-latelies wasn't enough, they're getting into justifications, going so far as to note that our humor is, on occasion, anti-American. The fact is, though, Late Night and its host came here as invited guests, poked our most precarious hornet's nest -- using outright bigotry sanctioned by the Canadian organizer, no less (shame on him) -- and then dicked off, leaving us to deal with the painful stings. Let's face it, no matter how much you like your best friend, you're not going to be happy when you invite him over to your house and he pisses in your Shreddies for everyone's amusement. I'm sure I could come up with many more metaphors to describe the situation, but I won't -- it's too late, the damage is done.
Follow-up: Now that Conan O'Brien has apologized to Quebec -- in a satirical, self-deprecating kind of way, of course -- can we all just drop the matter?
posted by media_dystopia @ 16:51 [ link | top | home ]
This guy drives me nuts...or does he? Jian Ghomeshi is, among many other things, the host of CBC Newsworld's >play. Until yesterday, I had only ever seen him in promos, and as a result, had labored under the delusion that he was an arrogant, pretentious prick -- the kind of television personality that makes my skin crawl. Then I caught his post-Grammy interview on CBC News Morning and was pleasantly surprised when he turned out to be an intelligent, witty, and articulate commentator. He made enough of a good impression on me to make me want to watch his show.
All this to say that it's amazing how promos and their fleeting images can give you the wrong impression about people in the media.
posted by media_dystopia @ 09:15 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, February 09, 2004
Dear CTF: shut up. You rabble-rousers in the Canadian Taxpayers Federation do not speak for all of us, as you to seem to think in your open letter to Conan O'Brien on the eve of his Toronto stint. I've never been a fan of Late Night with Conan O'Brien or its host, and even I think that $1 million is a mere pittance to pay for showcasing our country, largest city, and homegrown talent in one fell swoop -- talk about cost-effective -- to such a wide audience south of the border and wherever else the NBC talk show is seen.
Considering tomorrow's damning report on the $250-million sponsorship program -- money spent, in theory, if not in practice, to promote Canada in Canada -- I would have thought that you folks at the CTF would be jumping for joy at the government's frugality. Haven't you done the most rudimentary cost-benefit analysis? What a steal! We should be paying for more shows to come here. I, for one, have no problem putting some of my tax money towards humorously improving Canada's image in the U.S. and beyond.
By the way, your open letter was rude and amateurish -- I would have expected that sort of writing from a blogger (no offense to my brethren) rather than "Canada’s foremost taxpayer advocacy organization." I will say this, though: CTF Federal Director John Williamson has balls for attaching his name to such unprofessional drivel.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:22 [ link | top | home ]
"Exterminate! Exterminate!" With BBC Kids' late-night presentation of "Genesis of the Daleks," Tom Baker's fourth Doctor Who story, I'm reminded to ask my long-standing question: how effective an archenemy can you be if you can't negotiate stairs? (Even the pre-CGI-leg-jet R2-D2 could hobble down a flight.)
Speaking of this story, notice how our Time Lord friend doesn't adhere to an equivalent of Star Trek's Temporal Prime Directive? While Starfleet officers fret about affecting and subsequently restoring the time line, the Doctor is the quintessential temporal vagabond, a capricious time traveler -- and all-around whimsical adventurer -- given to meddling willy-nilly in the chronological affairs of other planets and races. Oh, sure, there are the Laws of Time, but his adherence to them is ad hoc at best, regardless of the judicial and ethical consequences. Let's face it, it's no fun gallivanting around the universe in a time and space machine when your hands are tied by silly rules and regulations. I mean, really, who has time (no pun intended) for Gallifrey's policy wonks?
Follow-up: This post, which had Tom Baker's Doctor in mind, is tongue-in-cheek and a tad overstated. I know full-well that Doctors like Peter Davison's have legal and moral imperatives when it comes to time travel, and that they have made sacrifices accordingly. Keep in mind that it's been a long time since I've watched the series regularly. Until my memory is refreshed, I could be talking out of my ass.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:31 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Oh well. I forgot to watch the 46th Annual Grammy Awards tonight. Gee, that's too bad. And I enjoyed it so much last year.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:54 [ link | top | home ]
While I'm dispelling Canadian myths... Contrary to popular belief, the RCMP Licensing Program is not managed by Disney, but rather The Mounted Police Foundation. If, however, my assertion doesn't satisfy you, the Mounted Police Gift Shop skillfully answers the perennial question: "Doesn't Disney own the rights to RCMP merchandise?" (Succinctly put: nope.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 15:43 [ link | top | home ]
Internet memes should stay in cyberspace. Brace yourself for some bad news: Tripping the Rift has gone mainstream. Say, what's the Sci-Fi Channel's position on the use of computer-generated nudity, foul language, crude humor, and bloody violence while parodying Star Trek and Star Wars? Right, that's what I thought. So, what's next to bite the cyberdust, "all your base are belong to us"? Sigh.
Follow-up: A month later and SPACE: The Imagination Station is touting the exclusive Canadian premiere of the series. Despite my misgivings, I may tune in on April 6, if anything, to see how the Sci-Fi Channel butchered the once Internet phenom.
Follow-up: It took four months, but I finally saw an episode of Tripping the Rift. My first impression: a lame, neutered version of the original Internet short. Suffice it to say, I was disappointed.
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:47 [ link | top | home ]
"Don't be stupid!" I couldn't care less about AOL, but its ads for its TopSpeed technology, featuring the guys from Orange County Choppers, are hilarious.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:23 [ link | top | home ]
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Once and for all. Canada has two national sports: lacrosse (summer) and ice hockey (winter). If you don't believe me, read the National Sports of Canada Act. I mention this because page 261 ("Lord Stanley's Cup") of Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader disregards lacrosse, and page 233 ("Lacrosse") of Uncle John's Unstoppable Bathroom Reader repudiates hockey.
Follow-up: While I'm at it, I also have issues with page 110 ("Great Story...Just Change the Ending") of Ahh-Inspiring, which makes a rather brazen assertion: Harrison Ford's character "is indeed a Replicant" in the studio release, rather than director's cut, of Blade Runner. Huh? Has Uncle John even seen both versions? If the studio release hints that he's a Replicant, then the director's cut screams it. (And it's Deckard, not Decker.)
Follow-up: The hockey/lacrosse issue was pointed out to the folks at the Bathroom Readers' Institute, and they responded -- cordially and appreciatively, I should add -- that it would be corrected in the reprint edition of Unstoppable. The Blade Runner issue was also mentioned, but the problem with that one, in my opinion, is that it's open to interpretation, which is why it's been debated for so many years; however, having read Paul M. Sammon's definitive Future Noir: The Making of Blade Runner -- the BR bible -- I subscribe to the notion that the director's cut bears witness to Deckard's true nature.
posted by media_dystopia @ 06:57 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, February 06, 2004
Note to the other Martin: pass this. Finally, a member of Parliament with an ounce -- or, should I say, 28.35 grams -- of common sense: the NDP's Pat Martin has introduced a private member's bill to curb deadly trans fats. Bill C-473, "An Act to amend the Food and Drugs Act (trans fatty acids)," proposes to "ban trans fatty acids in oils and fats intended for human consumption."
I think the bill's next reading should consist of a field trip to Loblaws, so that the entire House of Commons could examine food labels firsthand. "My favorite cookies contain how much trans fat?" (The Bloc Québécois would use the time to look for English-only labels, of course.) And just in case several mind-numbing hours of nutritional information wasn't enough to convince them of the problem, I'd subpoena the chefs of all the trendy Ottawa restaurants the MPs like to frequent at our expense. "My favorite publicly funded meal contains how much trans fat?"
My hope is that they'll clue in to how pervasive that hydrogenated shit is -- therefore, how much Canadians are at risk -- and do the right thing.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:43 [ link | top | home ]
Always entertaining and thought-provoking. Watching the documentary In the Mind of Robert J. Sawyer yesterday on Bravo! reminded me how much I respect, and enjoy listening to, the Canadian SF writer.
posted by media_dystopia @ 16:44 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Have I got this straight? The Office of the Commissioner of Official Languages is investigating Don Cherry for anti-French remarks -- as if that was out of character for a unilingual 70-year-old from small-town Ontario -- and yet, influential Quebec separatists can publicly denigrate Canada at will, and those fascists at the Office québécois de la langue française can strip anglophones of their language rights willy-nilly. Does anyone else think this smacks of hypocrisy?
And for the record, although I'm a fan of his, I can do without Cherry's decidedly unhelpful francophone-bashing. (I thought it was bad enough when he and his Coach's Corner cohort, Ron McLean, weighed in on the Iraq war.)
Follow-up: If the CBC is going to put Don Cherry on a seven-second delay, then CPAC and every other network with a live parliamentary feed should put question period on a similar delay, for when members of the Bloc Québécois insult Canada and Canadians. Speaking of the Blocheads, those hypocrites -- or, should I say, Tartuffes -- had the gall to call Cherry a racist. (There mustn't be any mirrors in their caucus room.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:11 [ link | top | home ]
I'm such a guy. Jennifer Robinson makes me want to watch figure skating.
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:02 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
A press secretary's worst nightmare. The National's "Your Turn with the Prime Minister" special tonight highlights an important, and much-appreciated, difference between Canada and other countries: access -- the kind that involves a live, think-on-one's-feet public forum where a leader is questioned, even grilled, by voters and voters-to-be, including children. Granted, some answers may be more evasive than others; still, their lack of aloofness and regimentation is estimable.
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:25 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Do you believe in (American) miracles? Why exactly are Canadians, the inventors of the modern game of ice hockey, being inundated with trailers for Miracle, Disney's movie about the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team? In other words, why are we being asked to believe in, root for, and feel good about Team Canada's nemesis? While he's at it, why doesn't Mickey Mouse ask me to wear a Leafs jersey in Ottawa? Sheesh.
posted by media_dystopia @ 10:02 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, February 02, 2004
Define "fortuitous." So there I was, doing some writing and editing (reading blog posts out loud), when I glanced at the muted television for a second. I continued typing, only to stop a few seconds later -- something had tweaked -- furrow my brow, and jerk my head up. I stared intently at the screen (the other one, that is), hoping to lend credence to my wishful thinking. Within a few minutes, there was no doubt: The Hill Times' Kady O'Malley, aka wwwaif.net's "humble narratrix," was one third of The National's At Issue panel.
I already knew she was literate and beautiful; now I know she's well-spoken. In fact, I wish to offer her my thanks for her erudition -- compared to her, Chantal Hébert and Allan Gregg are lightweights -- as well as my congratulations for her achievement. And just in case I've scored some cursing of my existence instead of the blushing I was aiming for with this post, I also offer my apologies.
Follow-up: If she lists me as a fan, then I can assume that I haven't pushed too many buttons.
Follow-up: For what it's worth, I've offered to remove her name from this post in case it's adding to her privacy woes. (Keeping in mind that I use the Robots META Tag set to "noarchive" to prevent caching by Google and other search engines.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 23:45 [ link | top | home ]
Remember Showtime's Odyssey 5? The short-lived sci-fi series, currently in reruns on SPACE: The Imagination Station, was filmed in the Toronto area and starred scrumptious Canadian actress Tamara Craig Thomas (of Cold Squad). And yet, Canadians visiting the show's Web page -- indeed, Showtime's -- are greeted by the following message: "We at Showtime Online express our apologies; however, these pages are intended for access only from within the United States." This isn't the first time I've butted heads with the network's exclusionary geotracking; however, now it's all the more asinine given the show's Canadian connections.
posted by media_dystopia @ 17:43 [ link | top | home ]
She can smash a slate over my head any day. Did anyone else watch Anne of Green Gables as a teenager and fall madly in love with Megan Follows? I had the biggest crush on her; to this day, she holds a special place in my heart...and the part of my brain responsible for romantic fantasies. (Did I mention she's a redhead?)
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:46 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Time to get my commercial hackles up again. Given that I've only watched one football game this season, and given that Canada is deprived of the much-vaunted ads -- something I addressed ad nauseam (no pun intended) last year -- is there any point in me watching Super Bowl XXXVIII?
Follow-up: Apparently, yes -- I watched the whole thing. The game's nail-biting conclusion was quite enjoyable, in fact. The pre-show and half-time entertainment, on the other hand, was not. (Its only redeeming feature was Janet Jackson's breast.) And as expected, Super Bowl XXXVIII was an advertising wasteland for Canadian viewers; once again, we were at the mercy of Global TV's broadcast rights. Ironically -- yes, I'm using the word correctly -- the best ad shown in Canada was one of our own: Labatt's "Kiss and Make-Up" spot for Blue Light. I mean, really, who among us expected those two women to share lip gloss like that?
Follow-up: "Wardrobe malfunction," my ass -- the breast exposure was a publicity stunt, pure and simple, and no amount of disavowing and apologizing will convince me otherwise. Besides, the performers doth protest too much, methinks; perhaps when they're done publicly flagellating themselves, they could explain what the ornate nipple shield was for. Say, how are Janet's record sales these days? (Oh, and notice how we're not talking about brother Michael at the moment?)
Follow-up: I don't know whether it was an act of subterfuge, narcissism, or avarice -- each deserving of ire in and of itself -- but her half-time performance has screwed the rest of us for live performances, which will now be censored with audio and video delays. Good going, Janet.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:11 [ link | top | home ]